Almost There!

I think this is the third time that I have started this post.  I would get about a paragraph in and I'd realize I didn't really know what I was going to say, or that I had no resolve to my thoughts.  I'm sorry that it has taken me so long.

There has been a lot of emotional rollercoaster rides these past few weeks from dealing with faith and trusting God to saying goodbye to friends.  My worst week was this past one when I had to take my best friend to the airport.  He went to Japan for two weeks for his brother's wedding.  If it wasn't bad enough to know that I'd have to say goodbye to him early his return flight was scheduled for the 17th... the same day I fly out.  I was simply angry at that situation.  But, it's what I've had to deal with. 

Elaborating more on this past week these are the things I've been working over in my head:

God wants to be my best friend
This is such a silly thing for me to have just now realized, but it's so true.  I have been so focused on my relationships and had placed them so high that I became extremely dependant on them.  I knew three months ago that something was going to happen to some of my friendships... I just had the feeling that a bridge was to be crossed soon. 

I was in church this past Sunday when I had my recent revelation.  The service was titled "Speak."  The series is all about hearing God speak to us.  This past weekend's service was about decerning the voice of God.  The guy who spoke, Ryan, started out with the verse John 15:12-15, which didn't really seem to fit to me.  At the end of the sermon he brought this verse back up...

 

John 15:12-15 (New International Version)

12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 14You are my friends if you do what I command. 15I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

 

I realized then He wanted to be closer to me than any of my other friends.  Why am I running from this?  Why do I keep looking elsewhere? 

 

This is not mine to control

I realize that this was what my last post was about, but this is still something that has been circulating my thoughts.  I think I am more at peace about the idea that if my friends need me I will not be that person that can be in direct contact with them. 

People keep on telling me, "You'll make new friends," or ,"Your friends will still be here when you come back."  These are not words of comfort for me, unfortunately.  Two years is a long time for my age group and change comes quickly.  I am living proof of that.  Nevertheless, it is out of my control.  God has given me these friendships here and they can be a tool for me while I'm in Peru as well.  It just hurts to have to leave. 

I'm still encountring little challenges along the way.  One week and a half to get through and I'm off to Florida for Orientation.  Then one more week and it's off to Peru.